I think about it sometimes, all the time
Falling in backwards motion, I’m back at square one again
Remember the shameless nights, dimmed the lights
Your chin on my neck and you were brave enough to kiss me in front of my friends
Why should I care? I swear I was in love
Why should I think anything else would be enough?

Take my hand at a tossing turning height
In the end we both got through the ride
Their eyes were on us and honestly I liked that but you don’t
I wonder if you took pride in me at all

I think about it sometimes, all the time
The breeze on the train catalysing my rush of impulse
Catching the bus with you, catching their glances
We’re on our phones, I rest my head on you and you grab my hand under the seatbelts
And darling I find it so sweet and it’s all so discreet and my heart skips another beat

Wish I could go back to Black Friday night
It’s 25 degrees and our lips are locked and so are our hands
Remember how much it all was just run and hide?
We’d try to disappear, swift as the wind, fading into the moonlight
Why should I care if it’s real love or not
When I don’t think anything else would be enough?

Take my hand at a tossing turning height
In the end it was a bumpy ride
Your eyes were on me but honestly I don’t know ‘bout your heart
I wonder if that’s the reason why we fell apart

I forget it all sometimes, all the time
Though even when the sky fell down I still don’t think I have any regrets
And despite the shame, it felt so nice
And I took so much out of it, I learned to see the red
So there’s that, it was a fever dream
But nothing’s quite more beautiful than this

I think about you sometimes, all the time
I wonder if it meant as much to you or if it’s something you dream of
I hope you’re doing fine, guess I’m alright
I wonder whether as my life goes on something else will be enough

I'm lost
I've got nothing to gain 'cause I know no pain and I know no way
further up
my fortune is to blame, when I'm on my own I'd have to pay

by myself, I've never learned how to initiate
never learned to build a path the way I should have at my age
can't find myself, things that used to be my strengths
were just illusions of who I want to be, oh keep dreaming

already fourteen now
I can't just sit around
waiting for things to come to me like I don't know how to go to them
but I don't know anything
I'm only fourteen now
and I'll grow up somehow
but until then I'll stand here till somebody knocks me down and that's the end (for now)

I'm a domino that can't help itself
if I keep this up then that's how I'll lose
if no one stands me up, then I can't
what the hell am I supposed to do?
I'm fourteen now
time is running out

I've got
a million insecurities that haunt me every night
and it’s so hard for me to love myself like this
thinking I’ll never be enough and yeah, it makes me wanna cry

I can’t lie, I've been struggling to get my mind straight
hate this negativity inside me I just can’t erase
I’ve lost myself, things that used to be my strengths
were just illusions of who I want to be, oh keep dreaming

already fourteen now
I can't just sit around
waiting for things to come to me like I don't know how to go to them
but I don't know anything
I'm only fourteen now
and I'll grow up somehow
but until then I'll stand here till somebody knocks me down and that's the end (for now)

I'm a domino that can't help itself
if I keep this up then that's how I'll lose
if no one stands me up, then I can't
what the hell am I supposed to do?

I’m running out of time
running out of people’s trust in me
solely running on blind faith, like life’s a game, can’t play it seriously
I wish I knew which way to go
I wish I could see the end to this
just make up your mind and start running
make up your mind and start running

(instrumental)

already fourteen now
no, can't just sit around
waiting for things to come to me like I don't know how to go to them
but I don't know anything
I'm only fourteen now
and I'll grow up somehow
but until then I'll stand here till somebody knocks me down

I'm a domino that can't help itself
if I keep this up then that's how I'll lose
if no one stands me up, then I can't
what the hell am I supposed to do?
I’m only fourteen now
and I’m running now

(to my grandpa, who passed 19/11/2020)

I don’t think I believe it
swear that this is just dreaming
there’s no way that you’re leaving
it was only last thursday
won’t forget that last glimpse of your face
you struggled to keep your eyes half open
kept moving your jaw it left me heartbroken

no, I didn’t cry
wish that I could
wish that I knew more about you
now our memories have faded like an outdated roll of film, is it too late?
though we weren’t close
you were the one that watched me grow old
and I watched you too but I didn’t know
cause you spent the year alone, and right now you’re gone

it feels weird knowing you’re not around
I keep shaking and I’m not calming down
how could you go so early?
so so early I didn’t expect it to be this week
couldn’t cry but it’s so hard to believe
I can hear my heart just shattering piece by piece
while I reminisce on the chances missed
back when you could still talk to me

I think about wednesday nights before 2016 sitting round
having dinner at the hotel that our family used to go to every week
you sit across from me six seats apart
I liked to watch you laugh ‘bout things i didn’t understand
I never cared for chinese dinners, but for you we went back to
that same old restaurant, ordered some shrimp dumplings just for you
we leave an empty seat right there, next to my grandmother’s chair
her crystal eyes tell me that it doesn’t feel the same

it feels weird knowing you’re not around
I keep shaking and I’m not calming down
how could you go so early?
so so early I didn’t expect it to be this week

I can’t focus at the thought of your eyes
I look to the moon and I think of you sitting nice on a cloud, you’re looking down
and I hope you’ll come visit me

and the tide is rising are you calling at me
it feels like you’re waving - it’s so bittersweet
and if by chance you come and visit I hope you’re not let down by me
if I’m not the good girl you thought I was, I’m sorry

hope you’re safe now you’re up in the sky
or maybe another world or another life
so goodbye, I’ll think of you sometimes
thanks for being good to me

fell into a deep hole in May
I’m the only one around to save me
though sometimes it feels like there is no escape
I deprived myself of all my strength
trying to run away
but the force pulling me back’s just too hard to break

22 weeks being stuck in a cycle
pulled back and forth like eleven, twelve times,
oh I’ve tried and I’m tired and I’m watching my life
fade into black and white and I try not to cry

oh, it’s gonna take time
and you’ll be alright
there’s still a light at the end of the tunnel
oh, you’re gonna be fine
and you’ll have the time of your life
yeah you’ll laugh and you’ll cry
when you look back on all of your struggles

I know one day things will change
but for now it’ll have to wait

I’m so used to this, it’s kinda strange
everything around me drains me
so I keep searching for a happier place
everytime I run away I get a little bit further
than the last time, but I never make the final hurdle
then a force sucks me back to the starting point
and I ask myself what’s the point

I’ve tried and I’ve tried, I’m still stuck in a cycle
pulled back and forth like eleven, twelve times,
and I can’t understand why my tears run dry
‘cause I’ve got everything but I still don’t feel alive

oh, it’s gonna take time
and you’ll be alright
there’s still a light at the end of the tunnel
oh, you’re gonna be fine
and you’ll have the time of your life
yeah you’ll laugh and you’ll cry
when you look back on all of your struggles

so I made the jump today
and you will too, so keep your faith