it takes a lot to not get mad at you
i miscommunicate a lot cause i’m scared of loss
don’t know how to tell you all the things you owe me
never heard you say sorry
i just wish you cared a little bit more

you say you hate it when i’m insecure
not that i like it when you take advantage
i just hide it with an apology

but i’m tired of saying i’m sorry when it’s not my fault
and i’m tired of staying cause my heart won’t give you up
why did i think that things will work out when the sky falls down and it’s all gone wrong
i’m tired of loving you, baby we’re done

when has it become my obligation to be every single little thing you want and need?
you know it’s simple, if you’re not happy with me then leave
i try to help but i’m not perfect
yeah you seem to forget this
and since when did we go from heaven to a warzone?
i don’t wanna fight again, i’m tryna be the best you see
funny i don’t even know what you did to deserve me
my god, i’m tired, i regret this
i’m hurting, need a rest but

forgot how to say no even if i wanted to
hate my expectations, can’t stop myself from loving you

but i’m tired of saying i’m sorry when it’s not my fault
and i’m tired of staying cause my heart won’t give you up
why did i think that things will work out when the sky falls down and it’s all gone wrong
i’m tired of loving you, baby we’re done

why did i think that things will work out when the sky fell down and our love went wrong?
will this rollercoaster ride slow down?
my head hurts so bad, i just wanna get off
and i know the adrenaline will rush back when you pull me close
stare in my eyes then kiss me slow
but the more time that i spend with you
the more i realise that i’m better off

but i’m tired of saying i’m sorry when it’s not my fault
and i’m tired of staying cause my heart won’t give you up
why did i think that things will work out when the sky falls down and it’s all gone wrong
i’m tired of loving you, baby we’re done

yeah, i’m tired of saying i’m sorry when it’s not my fault
and i’m tired of staying cause my heart won’t give you up
why did i think that things will work out when the sky falls down and it’s all gone wrong
i’m tired of loving you, baby we’re done

they say it’s just a phase and i’ll get through this
i wish it was that simple
the weather’s everchanging, i’ll get through this
been raining for a year though

i never thought that i could feel this way
cause if i didn’t get distracted, things won’t be the same

could be just me or it don’t feel like november
once 22 degrees excited me
it didn’t rain but felt like it did in november
washed away all of my energy
i’m tired, i’m running low
i’m stressed out, please let me go

they say it’s just a phase, i’ll find my focus
i wish it was that simple
fell down a hole i dug, it’s never been so
so hard for me to handle

i never thought that i could feel this way
cause maybe if i would’ve learned to let go, i would change

i’ve never felt like this but i hate this november
tired of catching up with everything
it never rains but felt like it did this november
watch all i had start to wash away
things don’t come back after they go
wish that i would’ve known

and if i could go back in time i would
or i’d move on from this moment if i could

and quite honestly i can’t wait for december
just wanna let go of this feeling
i hope it will let me go
(if i could let go of this phase i would)

last week i loved this weather
now i lose sleep, shaking under the covers
‘cause i’m not yours anymore
i don’t wanna leave this bed
snuggle up under my cotton blankets
october used to be so warm

yeah i’m wearing the sweater you gave me
drinking one too many cups of warm coffee
but they don’t seem to heal me from the cold, no
oh, i feel numb from all of this aching
and i can’t stop my body from shivering
twenty two degrees feels like twenty two below

that night you were so nonchalant
funny how you said you want me forever
and then now you tell me we’re done for
take me back to our last fight
you said don’t come back, i still remember
the teardrops i left on your doorstep

it rained on the day that you left me
yeah, you left me feeling so empty
twenty two degrees has never felt so cold, no
why did i believe you wouldn’t break me?
but i knew all along that i’d end up being here
we weren’t meant to be, yeah i would know

all you wanna do is pull me in, get too close, can’t get you out
you promise me you love me then let me down

bet you’re happy that you’ve won the last round
i’m sitting here alone watching sundown
and i’ve tried so hard but my mind can’t let you go
why did i believe you wouldn’t leave me?
it’s not your fault, it’s written in destiny
you’re not for me, one of us had to go

remember when we set the night on fire
but flames burn out when it’s about their time
we burned out young
still learning to love

i’m sorry i told you to go fast
if we didn’t take it slow then we wouldn’t last
maybe i was too caught up in the idea that we’re still in love
to realise the flame isn’t here anymore

but the thing is i
i didn’t take the time to love myself
should’ve learned that before loving someone else
hate that i’ve been acting self-righteous
thinking that i know everything about love
ended in a breakup
why am i hurt? all he’s doing is putting on the brakes
it’s the best for us

we are a pretty rose
but we’ve been lacking air lately
that’s why we’ve wilted now
we both need some room to breathe

wanted to go far, go fast
too fast could mean we’d burn n crash
maybe i was too caught up in trying to reach the far end
to realise that there isn’t enough gasoline

but the thing is i
i didn’t take the time to love myself
should’ve learned that before loving someone else
hate that i’ve been acting self-righteous
thinking that i know everything about love
ended in a breakup
why am i hurt? all he’s doing is putting on the brakes
it’s the best for us

(instrumental)

(based on the following note written at 11:54pm, 30 September 2018)

my feelings are not invisible
they’re the foundation of the one you claim to love.

i care too much about people who don’t deserve it.
people who don’t see it.
people who don’t appreciate it.
people who don’t reciprocate it.

i spend so much of my time trying to fix things,
trying to be the bigger person?
wasting my time on the wrong people?
the people who are unconsciously being hypocrites,
the people who think they’re right when i let them win.
i spent all my love on you
and i’m not quite sure you see that.

or was it my fault?
you weren’t like this when we first met.
did my patience and acceptance,
kindness and tolerance,
change you to be who you’ve become?
i present myself as vulnerable
and then you get too comfortable with me.

is it so hard to reciprocate my care and appreciation for you?
is it so hard to respect that i have emotions too?
am i the cause of your ignorance?

so many unanswered questions:
how much do you love me?
how much do you care about me?
what is love?
are you even sure what you’re feeling is love?
is ‘i love you so much’ valid if you can’t even be bothered to spend a minimal effort in at least trying to give a shit about me?
or at least act like you care?

or is this just part of who you are?
is it really your obligation to do as i expect?
should i just be happy with who you are and stop complaining?
am i making the same mistakes you’re making?
am i being overly cynical?
do i think too much?

it’s not right of me to be skeptical
but it’s part of me;
just like how your flaws
are part of who you are.

but just because we’re both imperfect
doesn’t mean everything is fixed and we could go back to neglecting each other.

i’m still learning
improving myself
hopefully you are too

just because we’re both imperfect
doesn’t mean we have found our balance.