as the world turns…
the world is just as bright as it was when you were 9
when adults looked like adults, and you were a child
never any pressure or intimidation
you spend your days in brightly colored classrooms and school buses
your Christmases in tropical places like pool resorts in Thailand, your summers on familiar beaches
and your imagination is limitless, and you’re writing books and powerpoints on your old MacBook Air
one minute you wanted to be Elsa from Frozen, the other Elle Woods from Legally Blonde after participating in a musical,
the other Taylor Swift - she’s just released 1989 and you’re making magazines and websites about her, and Shake It Off and Blank Space was playing everywhere
what was it you wanted to be? a fashion designer? a CEO?
did you maybe dream of fame?
you visited New York, and vowed to live there when you grew older
sometimes I like to think that optimism and ambition still lives on
the world is just as bright as it was when you were 11
a year of first crushes and dance pop, you saw London and Barcelona,
and your fashion sense was at an all-time high
you shopped at Urban Outfitters and Stradivarius before everyone else did
(you still wear that white sweatshirt from Barcelona to sleep)
and you tell your best friends you’re going to rent an apartment in London together
sometimes I think I felt more like a teen at preteen-age than I did as a teen
but I think of her when I’m taking pictures or when I’m posting on Instagram
and I make sure she approves of what I post
or when I am dressed in a cute outfit, and I make sure she approves of what I wear
the world is just as bright as it was when you were 13
suddenly it smells a bit like November 2018
the smell of my homestay from New Zealand
Oxford looks a little like New Zealand actually
the low-rise homes, the small town coziness
I guess I still have it in me to appreciate the beauty in the littlest of things
the world is just as bright as it was when you were 17
the weather reminds me of October 2022
that switch from summer to fall and the temperature falling to the low twenties
I still listen to the same old songs from the last december I spent at school
and I couldn’t explain its magic but I had it immortalized in the palm of my hand, in the form of a playlist on my phone
Oxford looks like Salzburg in this light
or it could’ve been Copenhagen and its colored buildings
the last time I remembered feeling that weightlessness
- I felt almost limitless then
the world was still bright when you were 15
when you tried oh so desperately to bring back who you were three years ago
not knowing three years later you would miss you so badly
taking the 81 bus every single day to and from school, it was exam season
and now I live vicariously that very memory by watching my now 15 year old sister through a screen
it’s comforting to know that world still lives on at the same time as mine
and the world is still bright at 18
it was bright after that nightmare you had one random night
when for some reason you couldn’t seem to feel the same as you did just one month ago no matter how hard you tried
when it launched you into a panic spiral and you thought you’d never get yourself back
it was still bright when you spent two months running errands in immigration offices in that insufferably unprecedented headspace
when that typhoon hit September first, I know you’ve always loved typhoons
but you still walked the sunny summer streets with your mom in Hong Kong Island that August afternoon, and you still went to that concert you’ve planned on going for 3 months now, and you still went and got drunk with your friends, and you still had those lunches in Tsim Sha Tsui with your friends, and you still packed your things and got yourself ready…
… and everything your mind told you to be afraid of happening, never happened
it was bright when you first landed in this city
a little separated from the girl who got you here
you tugged your luggages across the cobblestone floors
brace yourself for the biggest misfit phase of your life so far
in probably the most beautiful place you’ll find yourself in
it was bright when you were sitting in your room,
scrolling through your phone, unable to quit the endless reels
when Modern Family served as the antidote for your healing heart
but perhaps also as the distraction from the heapload of work you had yet to do
it was bright as you made your way through the new year
the first ever new year where you were scared of what the year held
we’re almost halfway through now, and the days are longer, and the skies are clearer, and so is my mind
and sometimes I think I’m lying but I’m kind of starting to mean it now
and now I’m sitting in the same building as the first hotel I lived in
thinking about everything and every version of me that has ever been
some of which I would never go back to
some of which I actively run away from
some of which I’d give my all to relive
but i just know I’d hug them all if i had the chance
and it is 8pm, and the sky is still bright
and it will continue to be at 20
or 25
or 33
and suddenly everything just looks a little brighter again
— as the world turns, 2024
