my thoughts: a collection. pt.2

i sometimes forget this is what i wanted
cold autumns in the uk
time alone without obligation
freedom and independence 
(releasing music even)
being respected by the people around me
this is the happy ending i wanted
so why do i still get anxious?
why do i worry about falling out of touch?
why do i still sometimes think the worst has happened to me?
that i was ‘so much happier then’?
why do i still feel insecure or discontinuous?
why do i still try so hard to restore something that no one but me tried to break?
have i made peace with the last year?
am i on track again?
do i still feel as though i have untapped potential? trapped? frustrated to have not met my vision yet? falling behind?

there is a pair of rose tinted glasses i constantly try to retrieve
when i put it on i cant quite make it last cause i lose it to a mean voice inside my head

who am i underneath all these expectations?
what was i chasing after all this time? 
something magical within myself, a beautiful moment not attached to any particular person or thing? that i can tap into 
i am searching for something that i have previously found
but it is hard when time can never turn back for you
when you run the risk of losing touch with who you once were by age and by circumstance