The Leaving Party

(TW: funerals, death and loss. But a thinkpiece on it so to try to alleviate the gravity of these topics. Proceed at your own discretion.)

I was just thinking about this because I think an awful lot about impermanence and about how nothing lasts forever - (and true as it is this is a radical thought to have to accept because I’m the type of girl who WANTS things, especially good things, to last forever) - and how life will inevitably come to an end and how scary it’s made out to be - so this is just me wanting to prepare for when the day comes (ooooohhhhh god this is real terrifying but here goes):

1. Cry when I’m gone and miss me, but please don’t think of my absence with excessive gravity. The world goes on without me, (we all die on a regular day of the week like the ones we’re living right now), so as long as I’ve made some sort of positive impact on it it’s good. (And for as far as I have lived from ages 0-19 I’ve lived well, fully and richly sooooo there’s that).

1. Obviously it’d terrify me to think e.g. my death will happen anytime SOON… but you know, I have been living a full, lovely life so far, I’ve learned a lot, had amazing experiences so (whether my life ends in a couple years, although very daunting, or 3 quarters of a century later) it is STILL an overall gain obviously (- say compared to the alternative in which I never existed).

2. Don’t call it a funeral, call it a leaving party.

3. Hold a FUN leaving party! Don’t do all the somber funeralistic rituals. I don’t want it. Put the FUN in funeral. I hope the funeral celebrates my life and what it was while I lived it. that’s what I want.

1. Make GOOD food! Sushi, ramen, good pasta, indulge yourself. 

2. Don’t be afraid to laugh or smile at my funeral. But also don’t feel obligated to. (This is also not license to be disrespectful!)

3. Play some good music (play my favorite albums please I’d want that).

4. Decorate it pretty. Take inspiration from my pinterest design boards please and thank you.

5. Like I want it to feel like I’m THERE. What’s the point of a funeral if all it does is make you cry and feel grave rather than be some beautiful closure to your life.

6. Everyone who has EVER been in my life is invited. I want this to be an open invitation. Not an exclusive one. You could have been out of my life for years or decades and I’d still want you to come, so long as it’s something you want to do, or if you care enough to come.

4. I’d like to hold my leaving party at places I loved (budget is out of consideration but the idea/sentiment remains) - some contenders:

1. HK but specifically places like Discovery Bay or some really scenic place on Lantau Island, or maybe Whampoa because that’s where home is;

2. Singapore because I looooove Singapore;

3. New Zealand (but I’m so sorry if you gotta like travel real far for that lol);

4. Some really pretty snow mountain place - I’d love that;

5. Maybe even Oxford. This place is growing on me.

5. Know that permanence is scarier than impermanence. To be trapped in something for eternity without escape is scarier than the ephemerality of reality (re: The Good Place finale with the Jeremy Bearimys).

6. I hope you cherish the memories you had with me and carry it with you fondly.

7. If by the time I go I’ve published my creative works, play them, discuss them, talk about it, pleaseeeee.

I want to be thinking about this at peak youth so that the essence of who I am is preserved even as I grow older.

I want my ‘leaving party’ to be an artistic expression? If I can get people THINKING about death differently through art? Would be nice.

I don’t know - just thoughts that I think about before I go to bed.